


Fallout

by allofthefandoms



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Poisoning, Angst, Attempted Suicicde, Guilt, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstanding, virgin!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-11-09 05:04:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthefandoms/pseuds/allofthefandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has never had sex with anyone before, and after Steve gets trapped under a building a month into his relationship with Tony, Tony gets a little too hands-on.  Steve panicks, and there are unindended consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fallout

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a LJ challange with the propmt "Steve is a virgin". Un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Please heed the tags. This is a decidely unhappy piece.

The first kiss sent stars spinning through Steve's vision, and he was pretty sure they had little to do with the fact that Tony Stark had just banged his head into a wall and more to do with the fact that Tony was sucking at his face as if it held the last drop of oxygen in the world. It definitely had something to with the fact that Tony, who had been so careful the first weeks of their budding relationship, was pressed against him so desperately that he hadn't bothered to take off more than the helmet of his suit. Tony quickly realized that this would be more of a hindrance than a help, and stepped back to pry his armor off with shaking fingers, giving Steve an uncomfortable amount of time to second guess himself.

Steve was a virgin. Not just to men, but to sex period. He had never had sex with anyone. There had been fooling around during the war of course, and then after with Tony, but he had never had proper sex. And here was Tony, in nothing but his boxers, which did little to hide the sheer size of his already stiffly erect cock.

Tony had managed to strip off most of Steve's uniform before Steve began to push him away, mortified and completely beet red. He could barely hear his own stammered excuses and the devastated look on Tony's face broke his heart.

“God, Steve. I'm so sorry. I should have gone slower. Do you--?” Steve brushed by him, eyes down, trying to look anywhere but at Tony.

“No, Tony. I don't want to talk about it.” Steve hated the shake in his voice.

“Baby...” Steve grabbed a blanket, throwing it around his body before leaving the room.

“Don't call me that.”

~ ~ ~ 

Steve had never been more thankful for his tiny little flat in Brooklyn in his life. Having fled Tony's room and found some clothes, he had hailed a cab, mind still churning even as he arrived. It was little more than a couch a stove and a small bed, but the radio was his pride and joy. Vintage WWII in perfect order, just like the one he had had at home before the ice. Fiddling with the dials until he found a baseball game, Steve flopped down on the couch with a huge sigh.

He could not believe himself. He loved Tony, worshiped him even, and yet he couldn't even bring himself to stay and talk about what had made him so uncomfortable. It wasn't that Steve hadn't wanted to have sex with Tony. To the contrary. The wash of arousal was still faintly curled below his belly button. But it had been too sudden, too urgent, and Steve had gotten scared.

“Look at you, Rogers,” said a mean little voice in his head that sounded a lot like Bucky. “Scared to love the one person you care about.”

“Shut up,” Steve said aloud. “Just shut up.”

~ ~ ~

:Oh God, Bruce. I've ruined everything!” Bruce started as he found himself with an armful of distraught Tony. The two of them had come to a sort of understanding, and their relationship, while completely platonic, was very intense. Ever since Bruce had come to live in Avenger's Tower for good, Tony came to Bruce for everything from quiet companionship to design advice and they had become very close. No one had been happier than Bruce when Tony finally asked Steve out after weeks of pining. So he was immediately on guard when Tony greeted him with open weeping. Steering Tony to a chair, he sat down next to him, pulling Tony's shaking frame to his own.

“Alright, Tony. From the top. What happened?”

“I was scared that I had lost him. He was trapped under that building, and then when he was safe I was so relieved and when I had him to myself I just took advantage of him. He bolted, Bruce, and JARVIS says he left the tower and I don't know where he is, if he's coming back...I don't even know if he's safe, or if I'll get a second chance. See? I've ruined everything!” By this time, Tony was crying in earnest, and Bruce rocked him gently back and forth.

Bruce knew as well as anyone that Tony was prone to hysterical melodrama, but the genuine agony in Tony's weeping made Bruce hesitate to write this off. Tony had said Steve had left the tower. It was common knowledge that Steve had a flat of his own somewhere outside the tower, but ever since he had moved in, Steve had only gone there when he was really upset. In the month that Steve and tony had been together, Steve hadn't gone there once. If Steve had really decided to leave Tony, that would be the only place he would have gone. It was the only place Tony couldn't follow him. Bruce refused to consider the logical conclusion that Tony would fall apart if Steve left, and instead focused on Tony, pulling his grieving friend to him until his sobs had eased.

~ ~ ~

The next day, Bruce sought out Pepper when he saw neither Tony nor Steve for the whole afternoon. JARVIS had reported that Steve had not returned, and that Tony had locked himself in his lab shortly after Bruce had left, saying he wanted no disturbances.

“I am concerned for Master Stark,” JARVIS had confided. “He is very distressed.” It was about then that Bruce was determined to find Pepper and see if there was anything he could do to help his friend. He found her fussing in her office, clearly distracted.

“Tony's still locked in his lad, isn't he?” Pepper said sadly, folding herself into her large office chair. Bruce nodded, making a helpless little gesture.

“Is there anything we cane do? E asked. Pepper sighed.

“I've known Tony a very long time, Bruce,” she said. “A very long time, and if there is one thing I've learned, it's that behind all that bluster and bravado is a cripplingly insecure human being. I've always though of him as pretty manic depressive, and he self medicates with alcohol when something even begins to look like ti is going wrong and this...”

“This means he's probably halfway through a bottle of his highest proof vodka,” Bruce supplied.

“He was like this after Obie, too.” Bruce knew the bare bones of what had happened, everyone did, but Pepper had seen the fallout first hand. “He was so devastated, Bruce. I can't even begin to explain it. He would just sit in his lab, playing with one of his arc reactors and crying and no one could convince him to leave for 5 days. By the time he staggered out, he reeked of stale sweat and cheap vodka.” Bruce could tell Pepper was trying not to cry. Bruce liked Pepper. She was a stalwart, down-to-earth counterpoint to Tony, and the Avengers at large, so he found is increasingly painful to see her so distressed. 

“So you don't think there is anything we can do?” he asked, resting his hand over Pepper's shaking one.

“Not really,” she replied. “He's stubborn, our Tony, more so when he thinks his back is against the wall.”

“Do you think I should go talk to Steve?”

“Do you know where to find him?” Bruce didn't and he bit his lip in a mixture of anger and helplessness. Pepper could read these emotions in his face, and turned her hand over to give his a quick squeeze.

“All we can do at this point is wait it out. He'll pull through. He always does.” Pepper gave a watery smile.

“JARVIS?”

“Yes sir?”

“Keep an eye on him, will you?”

“Of course, sir.”

~ ~ ~

It was a week before Steve returned to Avengers Tower. On day 5, Bruce awoke in the middle of the night with a sicking and indescribable feeling of dread. Meaning to walk it off by heading outside to the balcony, he stepped into the living room, only to freeze at the indistinct shape he saw on the floor, praying to any god he thought might be listening that this wasn't what he feared.

“JARVIS, lights at 100%.” As the lights flared on, Bruce felt his stomach clench in familiar fear.

Tony lay passed out on the floor in a puddle of vomit, a mostly empty bottle of vodka clenched lightly in one hand. Even from this distance, Bruce could tell he was barely breathing, his skin ashy gray. It was so clearly alcohol poisoning, and Bruce could only pray it had been an accident.

“Call an ambulance, JARVIS,” Bruce said, voice tight.

“Sir--”

“NOW!” An alarm klaxon blared once throughout the whole tower, and if Bruce hadn't been so intent on rolling Tony into a recovery position so he didn't choke on his own vomit, he would have jumped. The others, all in various stages of fluster and awareness all ran into the room, pulling up short as they saw Bruce leaning over a supine Tony. Pepper was as white as fog, and looked like she was about to cry.

“The man of Iron is not well,” Thor said, his booming voice thick with concern. “Perhaps this is why Steven is not with us.” Bruce let out a desperate little sigh and said nothing, even when the paramedics came to take Tony away. 

Day 6 found Bruce dumping every bit of alcohol he could find his hands on down the drain.

Tony hadn't returned from the hospital when Steve returned to Avengers Tower. The others, still in various stages of shock, disbelief and anger left Pepper to confront an increasingly tense Steve. She did so by punching him in the face.

“You bastard!” she howled, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. “How could you? Tony loves you, more than he loved anyone before, even me, and then, what's worse, something happens and you vanish for a whole week without telling anyone anything! Do you have any idea what he's like? He blames everything on himself. He's always seen himself as a failure, someone who deserves all the pain, all the betrayal, all the shit things that happen to him, and then you come along, make him think that maybe he was wrong and then you pull this!” Steve looked at her for a long moment, his face collapsing.

“So he doesn't want me back then?” Pepper started, the grief clearly written on Steve's face taking all the bite out of Pepper's anger.

“Oh Steve,” she murmured. “He wants you so much that he would rather die than be without you.” All the color that was left in Steve's face fled, and he staggered one step closer to Pepper.

“Pepper, where is he? I need to talk to him.”

“He's in the hospital. He almost died of alcohol poisoning. If Bruce hadn't found him in time...” She trailed off, not meeting Steve's eyes. “But anyway, Bruce just left to go pick him up. He should be home soon.” Steve nodded, numbly, and staggered into the living room, where he collapsed on a sofa, burying his face in a pillow. This was how Tony found him 20 minutes later.

“I didn't think I'd see you back here,” Tony said flatly, folding his arms across his chest to hide the faint glow of the arc reactor. Steve looked up, eyes puffy and red rimmed, and Tony could tell he had been crying, and recently. Something new and uncomfortable twitched behind the reactor. Shame? Tony had never felt very bad about his binges before, but seeing Steve so wracked with guilt was almost too much. A small, vicious, ugly part of him was crowing with glee, saying it was just what he deserved, but a much bigger part of him just wanted to fold himself into Steve's embrace and be told everything would be ok.

“God, Tony. I'm so sorry.” Steve's voice sounded wrecked, and it was the last straw. Tony managed to stagger to the couch before he collapsed. All Tony wanted to do was fall into Steve's arms, but he hesitated, unsure if he was still wanted.

“All I need to know is why, Steve.” Tony's voice was small. “Why did you run?”

“I was scared.” It came out barely more than a whisper.

“Captain America? Scared?” Tony's laugh was weak and watery.

“Everything was going so quickly,” Steve went on, not rising to the weak bait. “I've...” Steve paused. “I have never had sex with anyone before, not a man, not a woman. And then I was sure you wouldn't want me back after I had rejected you out of hand like that, and I couldn't come back here and face that. If only I had known...” Steve crawled the last remaining distance between them, burying himself in Tony's chest. Tony wrapped his arms around his broad back, unable to speak as he watched Steve struggle not to cry. The joy of seeing Steve, of holding him and being forgiven, was at war with how rattled Steve seemed. Steve, Captain America, who could keep his head in any crisis, who had become the leader every member of the team had grown to trust and respect, was clinging to him like he was drowning.

“We'll be ok, Steve.” Tony said, as much as for himself as for Steve. “I promise.”


	2. Happier Endings

“It's just juice, Steve,” Tony said with a smile, holding up the glass of cranberry and seltzer water. “I haven't touched a drink in 6 months and you know that.” Steve smiled. 

“I can't help it, Tony. I still dream about it, you know.” Tony pressed a quick kiss to Steve's lips, knowing full well that the imagined pictures of the night Tony almost died still occasionally twisted Steve's dreams. But tony was clean, through a successful rehab and on pills that evened out the worst of his mood swings. And here they were, having a quiet party that was supposedly just another Stark ball, but was really in honor of Steve and Tony's 7 months together. Not that anyone outside of Avengers Tower knew it. But the pair of them snatched what they could in shadowed corners, and both of them knew that a much more intimate evening awaited them when they made goon on their escape. The issue of penetrative sex hadn't come up again, though there had been plenty of other sexual encounters. Tony didn't want to spook Steve again, and had been very conscious of making sure Steve was always comfortable. Everyone seemed to think that this selfless consideration was good for Tony. Steve snuck a quick kiss before fading back into the crowd. Tony's silly grin lased the whole evening.

The next day wasn't nearly so pleasant. Somehow, a camera had slipped into the party, and that chaste little kiss was all over the tabloids. Steve was scarlet, despite Tony's protests that it didn't bother him. 

“Tony, what do we do? We can't just come out and say that we're a couple.”

“And why not?” Tony's quick reply took Steve by surprise. “I was going to have Pepper release a quiet statement later and then get on with being your boyfriend. The plus side is I'll get to hold your hand in public.”

“You mean it's going to be that easy?”

“Well, look at it this way. The people who matter already know. Sure, there will be those people who yell horrible things at you calling you a faggot and a shame to our nation and bullshit like that, but it doesn't change the fact that you are a hero, that you've saved people and done things most people couldn't even dream of. And besides, I love you, and nothing anyone can say will change that.” Steve looked like he was about to tear up, and Tony pulled him in for a long slow kiss.

Instead of a simple release, Pepper decided to set up a press conference. Steve insisted that they leave the Avengers out of it, and instead they just went as Tony and Steve, not Iron Man and Captain America. Steve was nervous when he saw the number of reporters, but Tony took his hand, promising to take care of everything, and didn't let go.

~ ~ ~

The fallout, as Tony had predicted, was intense, but Steve was surprised at how many people had reached out with thanks and congratulations. Countless people had told him that coming out had made him even more of a hero to them, and one young man wrote to him saying that Steve had given him new hope when he thought it would have been better if he had ended his own life. The two of them had kept in close correspondence, and Tony had taken the boy under his wing at Stark Industries when he had seen how bright he was. It was during a lull about a week after, that Steve decided that he wanted to go all the way with Tony.

“Tony...” Steve was still nervous, but he was determined not to make the same mistakes as he had 6 months ago. “I...I want to try having sex with you.” Tony looked up at him, his expression equal parts baffled and affectionate.

“We've been having sex, Steve.”

“I mean...penetrative sex.” Tony's eyes widened in understanding.

“I didn't think that was your thing.”

“I was scared, Tony. It still scares me. But I trust you, and I want to try it.” Tony gave a soft smile, stripping off his night shirt and getting a small bottle of petroleum jelly that they occasionally used as lubricant out of the drawer. Patting the bed next to him, he waited for Steve to finish pulling off his clothes. He couldn't help but notice the shake in Steve's hands as he fumbled with his buttons, and he felt bad.

“You don't have to do this if you don't want to.” Steve glared at him, kissing him to show how much he needed Tony. Soon enough, the two of them were naked, rutting and kissing, skin slicked with sweat.

“I want you to lie down on your back, Steve. And promise me that you'll tell me to stop if anything hurts.” Steve nodded, his face open and trusting. Tony could tell that Steve was still nervous, but he took a deep breath as he settled back on his heels, one hand gently teasing while the other was slicked up with lube.

Steve shuddered with pleasure as a slick warm hand traced down the skin of his ass. The first finger was obtrusive bot not painful, and between Tony's gentleness and the distraction of his hand on his cock, Steve quickly relaxed into the easy movement of Tony's hands. The second finger stung, and Steve couldn't hold back a hiss. Tony froze, and leaned over to kiss him, murmuring softly.

“Relax, baby. You're doing fine.” This time, when Tony began to move, there was a surge of something else besides pain and discomfort and his breathing picks up again. Tony noticed, and his smile widened.

“See? It feels good, doesn't it?” And Steve let out a little sigh. 

Tony was painfully thorough, and soon Steve was afraid that he might come just from Tony's fingers. He managed to stutter something to that effect and Tony pulled his fingers out slowly, making Steve hiss with discomfort and loss. Tony prepares himself quickly, sure that if he doesn't, he wouldn't be able to give Steve what he wanted. But he could tell Steve was nervous again, and he leaned over to distract him with kisses and love bites as he pressed the head of his cock in before stopping.

It hurt. There was no way around that. Clinging to the memory of how good Tony's fingers had felt, he forced himself to relax as Tony pushed himself in fraction by fraction. As Steve began to adjust, the burning stretch began to feel good, like the two of them were completely joined. Rocking slightly into the motion, Steve was blindsided by a stab of hot white pleasure. 

“There, that feels good.” Steve could only gasp in reply. Tony, in turn, could barely stand the agonizingly slow pace. All he wanted to do was go, but he was determined to make this good for Steve too. And so he kept his gentle pace, ever so often brushing against the spot that made Steve gasp. But when Steve jerked into one of Tony's thrusts and begged him to go faster, Tony could only take and take until they were both spent. Later, when they were both cleaned up, Steve turned to him with a wide eyed glow in his face.

“Thank you so much, Tony. For everything.” Tony can only smile.


End file.
